TDate = new Date();

CurDay   = TDate.getDate();
CurMonth = TDate.getMonth();

switch(CurMonth)
{
case 10:

	switch(CurDay)
	{
		case 1:
			document.writeln(' A used car is not always what it is jacked up to be.</p>');
		break;
		case 2:
			document.writeln(' Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!</p>');
		break;
		case 3:
			document.writeln(' Blessed are the flexible, for they will not snap.</p>');
		break;
		case 4:
			document.writeln(' California smog test: Can UCLA?</p>');
		break;
		case 5:
			document.writeln(' Can t sleep? Try counting your blessings.</p>');
		break;
		case 6:
			document.writeln(' Chicken Little only has to be right once.</p>');
		break;
		case 7:
			document.writeln(' Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?</p>');
		break;
		case 8:
			document.writeln(' Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.</p>');
		break;
		case 9:
			document.writeln(' Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.</p>');
		break;
		case 10:
			document.writeln(' December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas.</p>');
		break;
		case 11:
			document.writeln(' Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.</p>');
		break;
		case 12:
			document.writeln(' Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying,  Yo. </p>');
		break;
		case 13:
			document.writeln(' Did you hear about the man who refused his dentists Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.</p>');
		break;
		case 14:
			document.writeln(' Did you hear about the snake who gave birth to a bouncing baby boa?</p>');
		break;
		case 15:
			document.writeln(' Don t let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you .</p>');
		break;
		case 16:
			document.writeln(' Do you know the three times that most people are in church? When they are hatched, matched and dispatched.</p>');
		break;
		case 17:
			document.writeln(' Eat right. Exercise. Die anyway.</p>');
		break;
		case 18:
			document.writeln(' Egotist: One who is me-deep in conversation.</p>');
		break;
		case 19:
			document.writeln(' Eschew obfuscation.</p>');
		break;
		case 20:
			document.writeln(' A bad conscience has a very good memory.</p>');
		break;
		case 21:
			document.writeln(' Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.</p>');
		break;
		case 22:
			document.writeln(' Access denied--nah nah nah nah nah nah!</p>');
		break;
		case 23:
			document.writeln(' Adam and Eve lived thousands of years BC [Before Clothing].</p>');
		break;
		case 24:
			document.writeln(' A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.</p>');
		break;
		case 25:
			document.writeln(' A good example is the best sermon.</p>');
		break;
		case 26:
			document.writeln(' A hard thing about business is minding your own.</p>');
		break;
		case 27:
			document.writeln(' Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.</p>');
		break;
		case 28:
			document.writeln(' A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.</p>');
		break;
		case 29:
			document.writeln(' Save Santa a trip--be naughty!</p>');
		break;
		case 30:
			document.writeln(' Jesus paid the price. You get to keep the change.</p>');
		break;
		case 31:
			document.writeln(' Just fill out one simple form to win a Tax Audit!</p>');
		break;
	}
break;

case 11:

	switch(CurDay)
	{
		case 1:
			document.writeln(' A used car is not always what it is jacked up to be.</p>');
		break;
		case 2:
			document.writeln(' Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!</p>');
		break;
		case 3:
			document.writeln(' Blessed are the flexible, for they will not snap.</p>');
		break;
		case 4:
			document.writeln(' California smog test: Can UCLA?</p>');
		break;
		case 5:
			document.writeln(' Can t sleep? Try counting your blessings.</p>');
		break;
		case 6:
			document.writeln(' Chicken Little only has to be right once.</p>');
		break;
		case 7:
			document.writeln(' Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?</p>');
		break;
		case 8:
			document.writeln(' Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.</p>');
		break;
		case 9:
			document.writeln(' Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.</p>');
		break;
		case 10:
			document.writeln(' December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas.</p>');
		break;
		case 11:
			document.writeln(' Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.</p>');
		break;
		case 12:
			document.writeln(' Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying,  Yo. </p>');
		break;
		case 13:
			document.writeln(' Did you hear about the man who refused his dentists Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.</p>');
		break;
		case 14:
			document.writeln(' Did you hear about the snake who gave birth to a bouncing baby boa?</p>');
		break;
		case 15:
			document.writeln(' Don t let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you .</p>');
		break;
		case 16:
			document.writeln(' Do you know the three times that most people are in church? When they are hatched, matched and dispatched.</p>');
		break;
		case 17:
			document.writeln(' Eat right. Exercise. Die anyway.</p>');
		break;
		case 18:
			document.writeln(' Egotist: One who is me-deep in conversation.</p>');
		break;
		case 19:
			document.writeln(' Eschew obfuscation.</p>');
		break;
		case 20:
			document.writeln(' A bad conscience has a very good memory.</p>');
		break;
		case 21:
			document.writeln(' Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.</p>');
		break;
		case 22:
			document.writeln(' Access denied--nah nah nah nah nah nah!</p>');
		break;
		case 23:
			document.writeln(' Adam and Eve lived thousands of years BC [Before Clothing].</p>');
		break;
		case 24:
			document.writeln(' A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.</p>');
		break;
		case 25:
			document.writeln(' A good example is the best sermon.</p>');
		break;
		case 26:
			document.writeln(' A hard thing about business is minding your own.</p>');
		break;
		case 27:
			document.writeln(' Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.</p>');
		break;
		case 28:
			document.writeln(' A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.</p>');
		break;
		case 29:
			document.writeln(' I wish the chemists who successfully removed the lead from gasoline would try the same with our politicians.</p>');
		break;
		case 30:
			document.writeln(' Jesus paid the price. You get to keep the change.</p>');
		break;
		case 31:
			document.writeln(' Just fill out one simple form to win a Tax Audit!</p>');
		break;
	}
break;

case 0:

	switch(CurDay)
	{
		case 1:
			document.writeln(' A used car is not always what it is jacked up to be.</p>');
		break;
		case 2:
			document.writeln(' Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!</p>');
		break;
		case 3:
			document.writeln(' Blessed are the flexible, for they will not snap.</p>');
		break;
		case 4:
			document.writeln(' California smog test: Can UCLA?</p>');
		break;
		case 5:
			document.writeln(' Can t sleep? Try counting your blessings.</p>');
		break;
		case 6:
			document.writeln(' Chicken Little only has to be right once.</p>');
		break;
		case 7:
			document.writeln(' Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?</p>');
		break;
		case 8:
			document.writeln(' Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.</p>');
		break;
		case 9:
			document.writeln(' Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.</p>');
		break;
		case 10:
			document.writeln(' December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas.</p>');
		break;
		case 11:
			document.writeln(' Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.</p>');
		break;
		case 12:
			document.writeln(' Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying,  Yo. </p>');
		break;
		case 13:
			document.writeln(' Did you hear about the man who refused his dentists Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.</p>');
		break;
		case 14:
			document.writeln(' Did you hear about the snake who gave birth to a bouncing baby boa?</p>');
		break;
		case 15:
			document.writeln(' Don t let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you .</p>');
		break;
		case 16:
			document.writeln(' Do you know the three times that most people are in church? When they are hatched, matched and dispatched.</p>');
		break;
		case 17:
			document.writeln(' Eat right. Exercise. Die anyway.</p>');
		break;
		case 18:
			document.writeln(' Egotist: One who is me-deep in conversation.</p>');
		break;
		case 19:
			document.writeln(' Eschew obfuscation.</p>');
		break;
		case 20:
			document.writeln(' A bad conscience has a very good memory.</p>');
		break;
		case 21:
			document.writeln(' Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.</p>');
		break;
		case 22:
			document.writeln(' Access denied--nah nah nah nah nah nah!</p>');
		break;
		case 23:
			document.writeln(' Adam and Eve lived thousands of years BC [Before Clothing].</p>');
		break;
		case 24:
			document.writeln(' A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.</p>');
		break;
		case 25:
			document.writeln(' A good example is the best sermon.</p>');
		break;
		case 26:
			document.writeln(' A hard thing about business is minding your own.</p>');
		break;
		case 27:
			document.writeln(' Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.</p>');
		break;
		case 28:
			document.writeln(' A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.</p>');
		break;
		case 29:
			document.writeln(' I wish the chemists who successfully removed the lead from gasoline would try the same with our politicians.</p>');
		break;
		case 30:
			document.writeln(' Jesus paid the price. You get to keep the change.</p>');
		break;
		case 31:
			document.writeln(' Just fill out one simple form to win a Tax Audit!</p>');
		break;
	}
break;
case 1:
	switch(CurDay)
	{
		case 1:
			document.writeln(' A used car is not always what it is jacked up to be.</p>');
		break;
		case 2:
			document.writeln(' Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!</p>');
		break;
		case 3:
			document.writeln(' Blessed are the flexible, for they will not snap.</p>');
		break;
		case 4:
			document.writeln(' California smog test: Can UCLA?</p>');
		break;
		case 5:
			document.writeln(' Can t sleep? Try counting your blessings.</p>');
		break;
		case 6:
			document.writeln(' Chicken Little only has to be right once.</p>');
		break;
		case 7:
			document.writeln(' Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?</p>');
		break;
		case 8:
			document.writeln(' Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.</p>');
		break;
		case 9:
			document.writeln(' Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.</p>');
		break;
		case 10:
			document.writeln(' December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas.</p>');
		break;
		case 11:
			document.writeln(' Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.</p>');
		break;
		case 12:
			document.writeln(' Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying,  Yo. </p>');
		break;
		case 13:
			document.writeln(' Did you hear about the man who refused his dentists Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.</p>');
		break;
		case 14:
			document.writeln(' Did you hear about the snake who gave birth to a bouncing baby boa?</p>');
		break;
		case 15:
			document.writeln(' Don t let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you .</p>');
		break;
		case 16:
			document.writeln(' Do you know the three times that most people are in church? When they are hatched, matched and dispatched.</p>');
		break;
		case 17:
			document.writeln(' Eat right. Exercise. Die anyway.</p>');
		break;
		case 18:
			document.writeln(' Egotist: One who is me-deep in conversation.</p>');
		break;
		case 19:
			document.writeln(' Eschew obfuscation.</p>');
		break;
		case 20:
			document.writeln(' Everybody is somebody elses weirdo.</p>');
		break;
		case 21:
			document.writeln(' Every evening I turn my troubles over to God. He is going to be up all night anyway.</p>');
		break;
		case 22:
			document.writeln(' Fish and visitors smell in three days.</p>');
		break;
		case 23:
			document.writeln(' Give God what is right, not what is left.</p>');
		break;
		case 24:
			document.writeln(' Happiness comes through doors you didn t even know you left open.</p>');
		break;
		case 25:
			document.writeln(' Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.</p>');
		break;
		case 26:
			document.writeln(' Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.</p>');
		break;
		case 27:
			document.writeln(' He who angers you controls you.</p>');
		break;
		case 28:
			document.writeln(' He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.</p>');
		break;
		case 29:
			document.writeln(' I am having an out-of-money experience.</p>');
		break;
		case 30:
			document.writeln(' I considered atheism, but there weren t enough holidays.</p>');
		break;
		case 31:
			document.writeln(' I had always wondered what it would be like to live on the sun, until my mother-in-law suggested that pressing my face against a hot frying pan might give me an idea. Trust me, you DON T want to move there.</p>');
		break;
	}
break;
case 2:
	switch(CurDay)
	{
		case 1:
			document.writeln(' I dont approve of political jokes...I have seen too many of them get elected.</p>');
		break;
		case 2:
			document.writeln(' I dont care how much you and your cat love each other, if you were only a couple of inches smaller than the sweet little kitty, he d eat you in a heartbeat.</p>');
		break;
		case 3:
			document.writeln(' I eat swiss cheese, but I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.</p>');
		break;
		case 4:
			document.writeln(' If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for the one it has.</p>');
		break;
		case 5:
			document.writeln(' If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?</p>');
		break;
		case 6:
			document.writeln(' If at first you don t succeed, blame it on your parents.</p>');
		break;
		case 7:
			document.writeln(' If dogs had wings, would we call them birds?</p>');
		break;
		case 8:
			document.writeln(' If I could have time in a bottle, I d make it a glass bottle. That way, I could see the dinosaurs.</p>');
		break;
		case 9:
			document.writeln(' If it weren t for the last minute, nothing would get done.</p>');
		break;
		case 10:
			document.writeln(' If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.</p>');
		break;
		case 11:
			document.writeln(' If you look like the photo on your driver is license, you aren t well enough to drive.</p>');
		break;
		case 12:
			document.writeln(' If your work speaks for itself, don t interrupt.</p>');
		break;
		case 13:
			document.writeln(' If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.</p>');
		break;
		case 14:
			document.writeln(' I got some bad news today: You know the money you get from those ATM machines? It comes from YOUR account!</p>');
		break;
		case 15:
			document.writeln(' I hope they don t raise the standard of living any higher. I can t afford it now.</p>');
		break;
		case 16:
			document.writeln(' I know. I know. People say,  It is the thought that counts, not the gift,  but couldn t people think a bit bigger?!</p>');
		break;
		case 17:
			document.writeln(' I live in my own little world. But it is okay...they know me here.</p>');
		break;
		case 18:
			document.writeln(' I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she has been giving me lately!</p>');
		break;
		case 19:
			document.writeln(' I am not an organ donor, but I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army.</p>');
		break;
		case 20:
			document.writeln(' I am not paranoid! Which one of my enemies told you that?</p>');
		break;
		case 21:
			document.writeln(' I am really glad the guy who invented the Ray Gun was named Ray. Being shot with a Fred Gun just wouldn t sound as cool.</p>');
		break;
		case 22:
			document.writeln(' I am so poor, I can t even pay attention!</p>');
		break;
		case 23:
			document.writeln(' I am taking Lamaze classes. I am not having a baby, I am just having trouble breathing.</p>');
		break;
		case 24:
			document.writeln(' I owe, I owe, so off to work I go.</p>');
		break;
		case 25:
			document.writeln(' I think a really funny joke would be for NASA to send up rockets and push a bunch of planets out of alignment. Then they could sit back and laugh when everyone realizes that their horoscopes aren t coming true.</p>');
		break;
		case 26:
			document.writeln(' I think that someone must have surveillance equipment set up in my living room, because every once in a while, someone on the TV will tell me what channel I am watching. That really freaks me out, you know?</p>');
		break;
		case 27:
			document.writeln(' It takes twice as much money to live beyond your means as it used to.</p>');
		break;
		case 28:
			document.writeln(' I went to one of those new movies last week, it was so bloody it was rated O positive!</p>');
		break;
		case 29:
			document.writeln(' I wish the chemists who successfully removed the lead from gasoline would try the same with our politicians.</p>');
		break;
		case 30:
			document.writeln(' Jesus paid the price. You get to keep the change.</p>');
		break;
		case 31:
			document.writeln(' Just fill out one simple form to win a Tax Audit!</p>');
		break;
	}
break;
case 3:
	switch(CurDay)
	{
		case 1:
			document.writeln(' JUSTICE: When our kids have their own kids.</p>');
		break;
		case 2:
			document.writeln(' Kleptomaniac: One who can t help himself from helping himself.</p>');
		break;
		case 3:
			document.writeln(' Laugh alone and the world thinks you re an idiot.</p>');
		break;
		case 4:
			document.writeln(' Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.</p>');
		break;
		case 5:
			document.writeln(' Lord, make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am.</p>');
		break;
		case 6:
			document.writeln(' Love may not make the world go  round, but it certainly makes a lot of people dizzy.</p>');
		break;
		case 7:
			document.writeln(' Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.</p>');
		break;
		case 8:
			document.writeln(' Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!</p>');
		break;
		case 9:
			document.writeln(' Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words.</p>');
		break;
		case 10:
			document.writeln(' Money isn t everything...there is credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks.</p>');
		break;
		case 11:
			document.writeln(' Money talks and often just says,  Goodbye. </p>');
		break;
		case 12:
			document.writeln(' Money: The Mint makes it first, and we try to make it last.</p>');
		break;
		case 13:
			document.writeln(' Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on  Sunday and pray for a crop failure.</p>');
		break;
		case 14:
			document.writeln(' Most people operate on a one-track mind with two rails: ME and I.</p>');
		break;
		case 15:
			document.writeln(' My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I am good she will give me the other one.</p>');
		break;
		case 16:
			document.writeln(' My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don t think it is working.</p>');
		break;
		case 17:
			document.writeln(' My weight is perfect for my height, which varies.</p>');
		break;
		case 18:
			document.writeln(' Noahs remark as the animals were boarding the ark: Now Ive herd everything!</p>');
		break;
		case 19:
			document.writeln(' Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There is just too much fraternizing with the enemy.</p>');
		break;
		case 20:
			document.writeln(' Never use a humongous word where a diminutive one will suffice.</p>');
		break;
		case 21:
			document.writeln(' Once I got angry at the chef of an Italian restaurant. So I gave him a pizza my mind.</p>');
		break;
		case 22:
			document.writeln(' One who lacks courage to start has already finished.</p>');
		break;
		case 23:
			document.writeln(' People who cough incessantly never seem to go to the doctor--they go to banquets, concerts, and church.</p>');
		break;
		case 24:
			document.writeln(' Q: How did the pig with laryngitis feel? A: Dis gruntled.</p>');
		break;
		case 25:
			document.writeln(' Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn t belong.</p>');
		break;
		case 26:
			document.writeln(' REALITY CHECK: After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.</p>');
		break;
		case 27:
			document.writeln(' Save Santa a trip--be naughty!</p>');
		break;
		case 28:
			document.writeln(' Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.</p>');
		break;
		case 29:
			document.writeln(' Soul food served here. Under same management for over 2000 years.</p>');
		break;
		case 30:
			document.writeln(' Stock up and save. Limit: one.</p>');
		break;
		case 31:
			document.writeln(' Success is more attitude than aptitude.</p>');
		break;
	}
break;
case 4:
	switch(CurDay)
	{
		case 1:
			document.writeln(' Take C-H-R-I-S-T out of Christmas and you re left with a  miss. </p>');
		break;
		case 2:
			document.writeln(' The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.</p>');
		break;
		case 3:
			document.writeln(' The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.</p>');
		break;
		case 4:
			document.writeln(' The happiest people don t necessarily have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.</p>');
		break;
		case 5:
			document.writeln(' The longest word in the English language is the one that follows  And now a word from our sponsor. </p>');
		break;
		case 6:
			document.writeln(' The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.</p>');
		break;
		case 7:
			document.writeln(' The word  love  can have many different meanings...it loses value when overly used and has no value at all if never spoken or shown to others.</p>');
		break;
		case 8:
			document.writeln(' To my sweetheart: My cooking is gotten better since I fondue.</p>');
		break;
		case 9:
			document.writeln(' Two good things about being a teacher: June & July.</p>');
		break;
		case 10:
			document.writeln(' Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.</p>');
		break;
		case 11:
			document.writeln(' Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.</p>');
		break;
		case 12:
			document.writeln(' We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.</p>');
		break;
		case 13:
			document.writeln(' We have just moved into our dream house. It costs twice as much as we ever dreamed it would.</p>');
		break;
		case 14:
			document.writeln(' We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers.</p>');
		break;
		case 15:
			document.writeln(' What does John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common? They both have the same middle name.</p>');
		break;
		case 16:
			document.writeln(' What is the definition of a will? It is a dead giveaway.</p>');
		break;
		case 17:
			document.writeln(' What you think of me is none of my business.</p>');
		break;
		case 18:
			document.writeln(' When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.</p>');
		break;
		case 19:
			document.writeln(' When you don t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.</p>');
		break;
		case 20:
			document.writeln(' Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.</p>');
		break;
		case 21:
			document.writeln(' Why are aliens always portrayed as evil in movies? How do we know that there isn t an alien out there just waiting to share the recipe for  The Universes Best Waffle Mix ?</p>');
		break;
		case 22:
			document.writeln(' Why won t melons elope? They cantaloupe.</p>');
		break;
		case 23:
			document.writeln(' Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.</p>');
		break;
		case 24:
			document.writeln(' You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving.</p>');
		break;
		case 25:
			document.writeln(' You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.</p>');
		break;
		case 26:
			document.writeln(' You look like three miles of bad road.</p>');
		break;
		case 27:
			document.writeln(' Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. </p>');
		break;
		case 28:
			document.writeln(' You re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter!</p>');
		break;
		case 29:
			document.writeln(' You stop believing in Santa Claus when you start getting clothes for Christmas.</p>');
		break;
		case 30:
			document.writeln(' Jesus paid the price. You get to keep the change.</p>');
		break;
		case 31:
			document.writeln(' Just fill out one simple form to win a Tax Audit!</p>');
		break;
	}
}